I faintly remember a time when my mother’s jewellery was taken and invested in the family business—an investment that never returned and eventually dissolved. Perhaps I was too young to fully understand it then, but the memory stayed. Now, I understand that when the dignity of the women in a home is compromised, the cost is often far greater than what we see on the surface.
I silently worked harder, and key reason was to give my parents a better life and buy jewellery for my mother. When I finally felt I had saved enough to buy her something, she had no desire to wear such things. Perhaps she might have wanted them in the past—but in truth, she never really had a fascination for it. Somewhere, she only wanted it for her daughters, for our future, for our marriages.
When I was finally in a position to buy something for her, she had lost interest and instead insisted on buying things for me.
This brings me to what I’ve been reflecting on lately. For the past few years, I’ve wanted to travel to certain destinations, but due to several challenges, I couldn’t. Now that I finally have the freedom and approval at home to travel, it feels somewhat meaningless.
I feel that if I am to spend 5–6 days of my time, it should be meaningful. For the past 10 years, writing has been my inner calling, and it has deepened even more after everything with my mother. I now feel drawn toward a writing retreat—something that adds value, perhaps a workshop or program that contributes to my growth—rather than just travel.
Recently, I did go on a trip. When I reflect on it, I had an incredible time and entered a very introspective space. That journey gave me room to think about self-development, and perhaps I should travel for liesure once in a while. But right now, what feels like a priority is nurturing my growth, evolving, and building my skill set in this fast-changing world.
Is this why I feel these mixed emotions—that I was unable to have what I once longed for, and now, when it is within reach, it feels meaningless? Or is this a reflection of how I have evolved over time? Or perhaps, is this an opportunity for me to break the pattern of generational setbacks that my mother/grandmother and those before them may have experienced? A question worth pondering.