Nothing happens against the will of God.
The Lord gave me indications—not just once but multiple times.
In 2019, I was so homesick while working in Hyderabad that I left my job and returned home without any other opportunity lined up. I didn’t know then that this decision was part of a divine plan. For the last few years, I watched you, Mumma, suffer day and night. In the year leading up to your departure, your unconditional love and immense suffering consumed my every thought.
Despite the pain and the terrible side effects of the steroids you had been on for years, you never stopped pouring love upon me or teaching me profound wisdom. I remember those sleepless nights vividly—times when the world was at rest, and you struggled to sleep. I’d wake up in the middle of the night out of sheer fear to check if you were still breathing. Many nights, I lay awake, helpless, crying into my pillow, hiding my tears so you wouldn’t notice.
I wasn’t ready to lose you, Mumma. I don’t think I ever would have been ready. Perhaps my desire to hold on to you was selfish.
After Aunt passed away, my reality check deepened. I found it impossible to focus on work, overwhelmed by an urge to leave everything behind and spend all my time with you and Daddy—caring for you, serving you, and giving you every bit of love I could muster.
I used to hold a glass of water every day and imagine happy times—the three of us healthy and joyous together. The thought of losing you was unbearable. I knew friends who had lost a parent, and I always thought I wouldn’t survive if that happened to me. When the doctors discovered gallstones, I was terrified. They warned us that anesthesia wasn’t an option and that a sudden burst could be fatal.
I prayed relentlessly for years, asking God for more time with you. I longed to see you celebrate 50 years of marriage with Daddy—a dream that came true. But I also wanted to find you a son-in-law and surprise you on your anniversary. I failed at that, Mumma. I struggled to make that dream come true, and it weighs heavily on me.
The Divine Indications I Missed
In those days before your health deteriorated, you gave me signs, but I didn’t want to see them for what they were.
- You asked Daddy to give me holy water after the Hanuman Chalisa every day. I came to you crying, asking why you’d told him to do it instead of doing it yourself.
- I saw you laughing one last time—a joyous, carefree laugh that reminded me of Naniji(Grandmother). She too had laughed like that shortly before her passing.
- I stumbled upon an online horoscope that mentioned severe illness in the family.
- Multiple social media posts about mothers passing away appeared before me, haunting my thoughts.
- I read an article stating that the first thing a person loses near death is their sense of taste. I saw you struggle with mouth ulcers and affirmed to myself, “This is not the time; Mumma will live a long life.”
I clung to denial.
On the ventilator, you asked me to consider Lord Krishna as my Guru. You had always worshipped Lord Krishna and Balaji, and in that moment, it became clear: Krishna is my Lord, and you are my personal Guru.
Today, I find solace in knowing that you are free from pain and suffering, resting in peace in Baikunth Lok.
Gurve Namah! 🙏🙏🙏
Your eternal love, teachings, and connection to the divine will guide me for the rest of my life. You, Daddy, and Lord Krishna are One in my heart.
My heart is full of love and gratitude for you. Always. ❤️
Thank you for everything. 🙏
